Day 1 of depression

It has been a rather rough week. Issues with work, with post holiday mood, scorching weather, great intense of haze and so many more. 

Addition to my rough week, is people surrounding have been giving me the same piece of feedback. That I’m gaining weight! 

I understand how guys find it a turn off with girls having lack of confidence in themselves. But Amy is different, he never got tired of repeating. That I still look the same. 

Having a big build like mine, it’s not easy to lose drastic weigh, even if I do, it won’t be as visible. It would be just me feeling the comfort in myself. 

But now, sad truth kicks in, I gained a bloody 3kg within 3 months, what the hell did I eat? My boobs?

It wasn’t easy when you have been receiving the same comments about your body, and when you did a reality check on the scale, it explains everything! 

I wept and I got really upset with myself. Where’s all the motivations went to? How great did I felt when I used to run every morning and all I wanted to do was move my body around. I would swim, I would run, I would weight lift, anything. 

My constipation problems were resolved too! I felt good, I felt light, and of course I ate clean. But looking at myself today, how I hated myself for daydreaming on a daylight and not taking care of myself. 

I even hate smoking now. I don’t feel healthy. I don’t even feel pretty anymore. 

This morning was a start of wanting to eat better after so long. But I discovered something terrible. My oats were rotten, it was expired or something! There’s fungus on the bottom! 

So I just had green tea instead, lucky enough it didn’t mold too if it would! 

Same routine to work, feeling embarrassed walking in front of everyone. Not feeling good with myself. I feel everything is flabby and nothing pretty about me anymore. 

I got too depressed that I ate nothing on breakfast today and had biscuits and fruits for lunch. 

I really hope I could get my motivations back again. Somewhere or from anyone. 


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