My early stage of : Depression

These few weeks, I have been hating myself, the life I live, and how uncomfortable I feel with my own body.

As I read an article on 5 habits that lead to depression. It kinda answer the million questions in my mind.

First stop, lack of exercises .

As I reminisce about how badly my lifestyle is, let me share what I have been doing in a daily basis.

On weekdays, it would be similar routine from Mondays to Fridays. Sitting in the office 9 hours a day, standing in the train to and fro, reached home, had my dinner and lay around as I thought early rest would help to catch my sleep.

No exercise, nothing. I bought new shoes, new sports equipment , just to get motivated again. But I keep saying to myself, there’s always tomorrow.

Weekends is a late morning for me, as I had to wake up at 5.30am on weekdays, I charged my body with extra hours of sleep. Lazed around on weekends as well and just house chores and not a single exercise in mind. Well, it’s my off day. My only rest day, right?

Secondly, improper diet

Yes, I used to love drinking green tea few cups a day, with the ready water dispenser in the office, I managed to pour hot water to my cup anytime I wanted.

But ever since I shifted to a new office with no water, nothing. No one to talk to, and being all alone as I will be expecting a new executive for me to report to soon.

So, no green tea.

As for my breakfast, I would rush to the canteen nearby the building to grab my morning coffee. Would buy my lunch in the morning, any fried noddles or rice or home-made sandwich. Obviously none of my daily lunch were fresh and healthy. Not fresh which lead to not having a chance of healthy food. No fruits, no oats, no veggies, at all.

Dinner is the only meal I would look forward to everyday, because my mom is the best cook in the world! I am the kind of person who eats a small portion of rice, but my main dishes would be more than the rice = less carbo, more protein. But I can’t really call it healthy protein , as you know , Malay dishes are usually fried, oily or contained fats. So it doesn’t help at all.

Third, poor sleeping habits and stress. 

As for my sleeping habits, no matter how early I tucked in to bed, I would still wait for Amy to be home. He ends work at 9pm so probably would start calling me maybe 10pm onward s . It will be some night talks about our day and future plans and stuffs. So, moral of the story? 7-8 hours is not possible!

If it’s not about Amy, then it has to be me watching late night tv shows, or playing addictive games on my phone. So, moral of the story? 7-8 hours is not possible again!

I noticed my sleeping postures are right too. With lots of pillows around me made me feel secure at the same time , I got annoyed and ended up not having any pillows at all LOL . Guess I’ll have to consider buying new mattress, maybe that’s the problem. Heh

The forth posibility, Isolation

With Amy’s tight schedule, I don’t get to spend my off days much with him. it would always be after 9pm onwards. Which at times, I would want him to rest early too for work the next day. Fetching him at his workplace and get supper or chit chat or prawning, it affects his 8 hours of sleep too! So, most of the time, I would be at home or spend my time alone

That’s the issue, for someone who have been clinging to her fiance every single time. Let alone spending time with other friends.

Maybe it’s only me, having issues with socializing with others. One thing I am super sure about myself, whoever befriend me, they would never last to stay.

I am honestly not sure if that’s the parts and parcels of growing up, but I would take as blessings are not always on my side. But am glad that my family and Amy have been my favorite people.

So with these points, it’s pretty obvious that I have only Amy to count on. Well, good and bad.

It is also why this blog was created. So I won’t bore Amy so much with stories of my life. This 4th possibility is a difficult one to solve.

Last but not least, ruminating

Well, definitely I am not ruminating, I am a positive person just at times, I would question myself on why does life seems so hard. Being able to be problem-free is simply impossible. There are things in this world that are simply out of our control. So i chose to let this go. No issues 🙂

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So with all these habits, I am still not sure if I’m already in the early stage of depression. I will try my best to train hard and eat clean. Everyone’s busy but time is something that you can find.

Wish me luck 🙂

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