What a morning to start with. When I decided to get close to others, people just keep pushing me away. When I start to think about how lonely I am, I start to break down and sometimes kinda look down on myself.
Thank you Mama and Baba, you guys are the best parents I ever had, and Amy of course. I know at the end of the day, I’m left with Amy, the love of my life.
It started with a friend, a bestfriend I can say. The only person who I thought knew me all my life. This year will be the 12th year she knew me. Saw me grow and saw all my flaws.
We used to not be that close at first as we mixed with a different set of friends. She was with the other 4 malay girls in class. I was with 2 other girls, a chinese and an indian. I remembered them clearly, there were Cecilia and Radha.
As I was in the academic stream, and not much people to hang out with, I used to hang with the Technical stream students. To me, they were much more fun and more things to talk about.
Then I knew this girl bit by bit. She’s decent and kind. I knew her whole family and we share a lot of secrets together. We went to different school after that, lost contact for years and eventually got our way back to each other.
I remembered the time when we were in class, we argued over certain childish stuffs (as usual), it was fasting month. We believed that we were not allowed to cry when we were fasting during the day, we would have to call it off and the fasting was considered not counted in.
We made up and decided to buy some drinks in the canteen, but were too ashamed as the other malays were fasting.
And since she’s a chinese look alike, she went over to the canteen and bought 2 drinks and hid it in her large skirt pocket. Well, our school uniform attire were huge than us and much flare.
We secretly ran to the washroom during school hours and hid in one cubicle and quickly drink up! We stared at how we each rushed to finish up the drinks that we both burst to laughter.
Memories. Memories. Sweet memories that can never ever come back. They are each for us to remember but never go back or refer.
Things got worst today after so many years. Called Amy for comfort, and as usual, he’s always there, my dear future husband.
Like what I told him, I was feeling so worthless that made me wonder, “Am I not worth looking for? Have I not been nice enough to even fit in anyone’s memory for even once?”
I have been so excited looking all over the internet and looking for sellers who provides Henna cones for sale. Just so I could use it for your big day and use my best of skills to draw on your beautiful hands. Despite having you to keep yourself away from me, I still do it anyway.
I still think of you and never ever I thought you would let me down. But you did. You disappoint me and with no words I could describe, I was utterly hurt.
Hurt to the extend I cried till my face got so wet that my eye bags got swollen, also due to the late nights I had watching movies on my Tab before bed.
Amy told me that people change, and life will always reach it’s worst level at times. But whatever happens, or how much people hurt you, never ever hold grudges, never. Let it go and start anew.
As what I said to him, I am never a person who hold grudges and hatred, but sometimes maybe it’s because of the number of people who came and left and never come back. Maybe at times I got emotional that every love I receive, I would open up and totally let them in.
Dear friend, please know, that whatever you just text me were not true. I didn’t thought that you would totally ignored when you thought things go wrong. I mean that’s not how friendship works, or even if I’m that worth ignoring 😦
I never ever thought that you were never a good friend. I didn’t expect you to spend time with me all the time, or worst still, you compared yourself with my other friends. Which is so unreliable on that fact.
For things that happened, I thought you would always come back, just like how you always did after you gone missing for awhile settling your own lives.
I guess I was wrong about myself. I was never good in your eyes, I got you to provide excuses to defend yourself.
I put on hopes too much that I ended up disappointing myself. I was stupid.
Thank you dear friend for the thousands memories we created and forgot.
I will never hate you, never will I.