My New Phase

Hi , welcome to the longest post I am ever gonna write . Tonight will be the night where I will shout everything here.

This is the start of my career I would say. Where I would say that working life is hard. That earning money is never easy. I will not say I love my job, for now. Countless times of saying how much I wanna leave the company. This time, I really mean it.

Honestly, I’m tired. I’ve never been this tired all my life, when this period is suppose to be one of the enjoyable moment I am suppose to go through, which is preparing to be a wife.

I am proud to say that I am currently in a healthy relationship, I am loved by the perfect man for me, and will never forget to mention that I am with a beautiful family and great girlfriends.

But while I am suppose to be happy yet going crazy sometimes preparing my wedding, I am not facing a different phase, being in a new job. Same company, but different role, different job, different boss, and different people. Last but not least , different style of working.

People at work who used to see me happy smiling every single day, never missed to greet them, finally saw the difference in me. They saw something was not right, I do’t know is it my posture, my expression or my maybe my smile is just not there anymore.

I am lost, I am hurt, I am confuse.

I know nothing about the system, the process and the language. I tried to understand but it seems like literature. I am listening and learning new stories everyday and having to remember them all, I can’t.

I need to be fast, I need to multi-task and I am facing different challenges everyday. Seems fun? Challenging? I don’t know.

I am truly lost.

At the start I knew,things are gonna be different for me. In the process of learning and where I was starting to boost, my dad got into a heart attack.

I was lost , again. I was exhausted, I was scared.

I was tired  everyday, but never hungry. I rushed to the hospital every morning and got back home in the evening. Knowing my mom had to take care of the laundry every night, I helped her out with the house work, do a little bit of cleaning and ironing of my clothes. Feed the parrot and play with the cat. That’s daddy’s job, and he wasn’t there.

I can never imagine losing my dad. He is the best.

Finally he’s home, but not fully healthy. He misses us all, everyday. My brother and sister are busy, so I know I gotta be home straight after work.

With the stress at work, having to always be there for dad, I don’t think I could keep up with the wedding prep now. Good thing I have my girlfriends with me, they are there to assist in researches and preparing some DIY.

Things got worst today, work is piling up, and I couldn’t attend the marathon I had registered. I couldn’t leave the office earlier than usual. I am still coping with my job and not understand much, at the same time, more things are coming.

Follow ups, problem solving, coordinating yada yada….

Honestly I’m not sure if I should stay. Look for out for a new learning place. But I can’t be jumping around whenever things got bad , right?

Humans will always complain, and it will never stops. Thank God Amy has been there, Daddy has been there. They listen and they understand. They can’t do nothing but at least I know there are people listening, appreciating, and clapping their hands for me, because they know I am trying.

Insya Allah I know Allah is there to help me, I know I need more patience in this, and persevere all I can.

Dear Allah, I know you will never put me in a position I can’t handle. I have faith in you dear Allah, I do.

I have been working till late 2 for days, I’m gonna prepare to turn in right after this post.

Goonight all.




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